Written Text Qualifications

My name is [Anonymous].  I am a recovering compulsive overeater because I weigh and measure three meals a day from our GreySheet, write them down, commit them to my sponsor and do not eat between meals no matter what.
For that I am extremely grateful.

I believe I have been a compulsive overeater my whole life.  The "reasons" matter little except to say that from a very young age I equated food, "fullness", eating with being nurtured.  There was never enough nurture in the world for me and frankly, there still isn't today.

I always want more.  In 1987 I began to understand that I wanted to die because of the way I looked and the way I felt about myself, the world, the people in the world and circumstances.  Truly by the Grace of my Higher Power I found 12 Step recovery.  I began by looking at what "they did to me", was led to "admit my faults", began to eliminate a variety of food, beverages and behaviors.  Eventually I was told, "the good news is you get your feelings back and the bad news is ...you get your feelings back."

Initially I admitted I was powerless over sugars, starches and grains but remained ignorant of the many forms they take and was not really clean and eventually ended up back in the food.  I had been content with what I hear referred to as "Fat Serenity"...after all, I admitted I was powerless and did the best "I" could.  Thank HP people continued to demonstrate contented abstinence as it kept me searching.  For many years, abstinence was the "way I believed it best for me to eat".  Needless to say I stayed fat, isolated in many ways, lonely and in despair.  I would go to AA meetings and listen with what I called "Food Ears" and almost constantly wonder, "What is wrong with me?" Part of my personal journey was nutrition and health education...and again by the Grace of my Higher Power one day I heard about a 12 step food program with 3 weighed and measured meals...in the beginning.  Because of the weighing and measuring and tools of that program including sponsorship I lost weight - from approximately 230# to 120#.  I no longer had to weigh and measure my food - especially if I was eating out.  I began to eat most of my meals out and found myself "pounding on the table asking, how had I done it again?" (paraphrased from Bill's Story, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  And then as my HP would have it I began to see a member of that Fellowship weigh and measure without exception.  Now, you see, I admired the peace, serenity, the life changes and clear thinking this member demonstrated.  I asked how they did it...I was told about GreySheet.  I watched, I "judged", I listened.  Finally, again by the Grace of my HP I became willing.  As the result, by God's Grace, I celebrate one year of continuous GreySheet abstinence in early April.  Which means to me that I weigh and measure without exception, write my meals down, eat my commitment or call in a change, call my sponsor and listen on phone meetings and make outreach calls.  I sponsor and share my experience, strength and hope and take food commitments.  Today I have peace, serenity and a clearness of mind I never dreamed would be possible!

I remember the day at about 6 months abstinent that I realized I was comfitted by having my weighed and measured meal on the car seat beside me as lunchtime approached.  I see how long it has taken me and is still taking me to get the mechanics of weighing and measuring - back up bags in both family vehicles, making sure I have a work break when I need to eat, shopping and cooking ahead, being willing to leave it out if I have a doubt.  Admitting when I'm not "perfect"...learning I need to look at my book to see what is committed for today's breakfast, asking someone else if it is ok to eat at this unusual time, paying attention to my food (not yours ;)).

Today I love my life and most of the time I love the way I feel - physically, spiritually and emotionally.  Obviously there are days it is more difficult, more hungry, more emotional.  The difference is that I am learning with God's help and the help of those who go before me that IF I remain abstinent as we define it my feelings will change.  I believe that is called being restored to sanity.  And for that I am extremely grateful.

Anonymous