Written Text Qualifications

Hi Everyone,

My name is [Anonymous].  I weigh and measure three meals a day from the greysheet, I write them down turn them over to my sponsor and I don't eat in between meals NMW.  Thank God.

I am writing to share my gratitude today that I am able with the help of my higher power to weigh and measure my food.  Without this support programme and my higher powers intervention I would not be sitting at this computer writing this e-mail to you before heading off to work.  I would not even be heading off to work, because in my last relapse most days I didn't want to leave the sofa.  I do feel truly blessed that I was given another chance at this.

I have a history of relapse in this programme, but today I do what we do, with the deep feeling inside that today, just today I don't need to pick up *!?! (Whatever) food.  And do you know what I don't want to.  The desire to overeat has left me.

Each morning and night I ask for help from God, I ask him to lead me through the day, to guide me in my decisions and thoughts and I ask him to reveal himself to me should I wonder off into self will at any moment.  I need to do this because I came into these rooms with an out of control eating disorder, a drug habit and a spiritual abyss.  My sponsor has been patient with me over the past four years she has guided me and made suggestions that I have often ignored.  You see I have a disease that tells me I am ok after a period of time usually when my body becomes normal size, I find a new boyfriend or I get a promotion.

This is not true and the only counteraction I have found to this denial is daily meetings, daily reading the literature and our primary purpose reaching out to the newcomer.  That helps fill my void.  You see I emphasise the daily, this is another thing that I tend to forget after a while of abstinence.  Weighing and measuring my food does not do it on its own, nor does the hopeless praying that I used to do.  Now my prayers are an action.  I heard someone at a convention say a while ago that we (I) need to hear my prayers, I.E: God grant ME the serenity.

Although thoughts of certain foods sometimes drift in and out of my mind they are gone again in an instant when I ask for help from my HP, sometimes all I need to do is pray to myself silently other times I have had to hit the ladies room and scream for assistance more desperately.  You see I am under no illusions today that I have a killer disease, I am a compulsive overeater of the desperate variety, that many times have eaten against my will and found myself minutes or hours later after a binge left wondering what happened.  this is exactly what is described in the Big Book of AA.  When I was first in, it was impossible for me to understand the language of the Big Book, it was like double Dutch, it took the assistance of another to translate it for me, now when I open that book I get it, I know I am the same.

Last night I woke up in the night, those of you that know me, know I used to wake in the night and binge whilst still asleep/half asleep and sometimes only realise in the morning what I had done.  Thank God that too has passed, but last night I woke up, got a glass of water and went back to bed.

I remember asking for help here on the greynet whilst I was going though that, there were a few people that had got though it and were abstinent again, that gave me such hope.

Also yesterday I saw a programme on TV showing a young girl, about 23 years old undergoing a liposuction operation.  She had 28 lbs of fat removed and this is apparently much more than is usual.  She was in so much agony after.  I am so glad to have been given this solution.  I know that liposuction, diet drugs, and all the other so called solutions would not work for me, after all, I could put on more than 28 lbs in a month of binging.

Thank God for greysheet and this community.

Anonymous
IDENMW
Day 175