Written Text Qualifications

Hi, [Anonymous] here, abstinent and grateful because I weigh and measure three meals a day from the greysheet, write them down, commit them to my sponsor and I don't eat no matter what.  I do these things without exception and I put abstinence first in my life.

I haven't posted for a little while, I just wanted to check in and say hi.  I am continuing this delightful experience with greysheet abstinence and today celebrated eight months back to back.

Before you read what I have written here and stop reading in discouragement, thinking that you're probably so different from me that these things cannot happen for you too, I'll qualify myself here.  I was one sick pup.

I am someone who started a compulsive overeater, became an anorexic and bulemic and came full circle back to just eating compulsively.  I gained 20 lbs. in a week during my last relapse.  I gained 60 lbs. in two months several years ago.  I have recovered from the lingering damage of years of childhood incest and terrible physical and emotional abuse and neglect.  I have failed in just about every way you can imagine a person failing.  I have destroyed relationships, my career and my health.  I have multiple chronic degenerative diseases.  I have been diagnosed with every depressive and anxiety disorder you can think of and probably a few you haven't heard of yet.  Doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists had given up on me.  I had given up on me.  After fighting this eating disorder for 20 years I am someone who was NOT supposed to get better.

But I have recovered. And you can too.

I am living in a tiny little greysheet body that just seems to be getting healthier and healthier.  I am free from food and weight problems.  I have been relieved of the physical craving (and the insanity around food) by weighing and measuring and eating my committed greysheet food without exception, and I have been relieved of the mental obsession and the hole in my soul by following the directions in the Big Book.

Life is much easier now that I am not a victim any more.  I am not a victim of my past, my present, or anyone else.  I got this through working the steps in abstinence.  Thank you GOD. My abstinence is not dependant on my circumstances or on feelings.  Neither is my relationship with God.  I am powerless over food but I am NOT powerless over whether I take the daily action it takes for me to stay in recovery.

So I put the food on the scale and do all of the things we do.  The mechanics of that set me free so I can get on with the business of having a wonderful life and growing spiritually.

I pray and meditate every day.  I sponsor, and I am sponsored, and I have a good handful of spiritual advisors as well that I am regularly in contact with.  I read the big book every day and follow the program of action exactly as it is described in the Big Book.  I have a homegroup.  I take others through the steps in the book.

I fess up to my sponsor about things I don't feel so great about - with my food and otherwise, and because of that I am not alone with my doubt and self-recrimination.  Because of that I KNOW I am abstinent, I don't have to wonder.   In inventory regularly to rid myself of the self-will that stands between me and God.

I go to meetings to carry the message, not to bitch about the pains in my life.  I save those things for my spiritual advisors.  My job is to carry the message of what I have been given, to help the newcomer, to become less and less involved in myself and my little problems.

It's one of those spiritual paradoxes - if I want my life to get better, I have to stop working on my life, let go of it completely, and see what I can do to help YOU.  The more I give energy to the problems in my life, the more powerful they become.  Like houseplants that haven't been watered, my problems wither and die if I do not pay attention to them and instead turn to helping others.

I woke up happy this morning and the morning before, and my food was good, and it was enough, and I had a sense that everything is going to be ok.  It's been like this for quite a while now.

Miracle.  Who knew that life could be like this?

You can have it too.  All you have to do is do the work.

If you think it is impossible for you to do these things that I have done, I would make one suggestion.  Ask God to empower you to do the work, so that your life can be saved, so that you can help others.  I certainly didn't do all of this.  I couldn't have done it in a million years.  Dead serious.  I'm someone who couldn't lift a finger to help myself.  I was NOT responsible for this change coming about in me.  If this can work for me, it can work for you.

Nighty night!!!
-Anonymous