Written Text Qualifications

Hi all,
my name is [Anonymous], I'm coe/food addict and I'm abstinent, because I weigh and measure my three meals from the Greysheet, write them down and commit to my sponsor and in between idenmw.  Abstinence is the basis of my day.

A week ago, on 4th of June, I celebrated 2 years of abstinence.  I'm really grateful that I'm abstinent and that I have found Greysheet.  I needed to be desperate enough after all the other attempts to get and stay abstinent on different food plans or diets or whatever.  In order to come to this "last house on the block" I needed to battle for so long with food, with weight, with fat.  At the end my mind was so obsessed with constant thinking about food that I hardly thought anything else.

In my history of compulsive overeating there are days, weekends, months, years of overeating, buying food, getting rid of wraps, thinking and obsessing about my weight, diets, food and more food.  I have stolen food and money to buy more food.  In classes, at school, at work I dreamed about how to get out and buy and eat food after them.  Food and overeating was my life, my friend, my escape, my everything.  And it became my enemy, obsession was so strong and no power, no self-will was enough to stop overeating.  Every day, every week I promised myself, that from tomorrow or from Monday on, I'll not overeat again or I'll follow diet or just eat healthy.  But I couldn't.  Food was too powerful.  I was trapped in a cycle of addiction.  I searched for solution, was at one point desperate enough to seek help, come to OA, which helped me a lot and after this experience and getting to know my disease, I was able to get outside help also.  But I couldn't get abstinent for longer time, I tried and searched for the solution, desperate of being in cycle of food, even with working the steps, doing service and everything.  Food was too strong, there was no escape.

I don't know exactly when and why I was at one point desperate enough to get in touch with a GS member from email that I found on GS internet page.  At that point no one in Slovenia knew about Greysheet (now we are three abstinent persons here), I found it on internet and after days of bingeing one evening I called the GS person, that responded to my e-mail.  I was scared, confused and in tears.  I'm grateful to this person, that she responded and I made commitment for the next day.  She even called me back with some more information!  That was so amazing.  At that point I really doubted if I will be able to stay abstinent for the day.  I didn't believe it.  But I did, I've got through this day and then another day and another day,... often one minute, hour at the time.  All I can say is, that it was hard, not only that day but other days also.  I got through physical detox and a day at a time lived my days with weighing and measuring my three meals and ate only what I have committed to my sponsor.

I went through several things in those two years:  just life; but never before was I able to deal with them in continuous abstinence:  worked in three shifts as a nurse, also at nights, I finished my studies and got a university degree.  In early abstinence I traveled to Germany for German course, travel to UK.  I got new job this April, moved in May; my family was confronted with deaths in family, my friend from work died in a car accident.  Anyway, I know it is just life.  But for me it is more, because almost all my life I was drugged with food and now I'm learning how to live without it.  It is still painful and depressive and tiring often.  But I know that as long as I stay abstinent, I have hope and things and feelings change.  In those two years I lost 22 kg (49 pounds), I'm now at my goal weight, that is 34 kg (75 pounds) below my highest weight.  After so many years battling with weight, fat, shame, rubbed tights, nothing to wear, joking about and suffering because of my appearance, I'm now at normal weight, have trust that my sponsor will lead me regarding my weight and food and I don't need to think and obsess about it any more.  This is a miracle.

I know that for me it is very important to have fresh and clear in my mind my desperation and that Greysheet is the LAST house on the block for me and it is the ONLY thing that is working for me, so I don't want to lose my precious abstinence and just for today I'm willing to do everything in order to stay abstinent.  ODAT

Thank you all for being here and doing what we do,
[Anonymous] from Slovenia IDENMW
Day 737