My voice filled with despair I sat on the cold tile floor of our bathroom leaning defeated over the toilet talking on the phone to her. "Did you try everything?" "YES! YES everything!" I heard myself yelling back to my counselor. Crying in the shower I had begged my HP for help because I didn't know if I could go on. I woke despondent, distracted, and scared every morning that I had been in relapse. I had gained 50 lbs. I had worked steps, tried other food programs and reached out to professionals I thought could possibly help me.
On Thursday evening at 7pm I got on a GS zoom meeting. At the end of the meeting the leader asked if anyone needed a sponsor and I raised my hand. My sponsor to be stepped up. That evening we spoke, I turned over my food, and the next day I had the biggest binge. On Saturday we spoke again and I knew there was no hope for me. I knew that I couldn't get abstinent again. I was 100% wrong!!!!!!! That day, Saturday was my day 1 nearly 7 years ago.
As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, exercise bulimic, binge eater, restrictor, eating addict, obsessive, compulsive consumer of food for 50 years, my lesson, my message is this -- keep coming to meetings and asking for help. Keep being open to good, orderly direction. Know that there is a learning curve and that YOU CAN get and stay abstinent!
You don't have to eat over life; your thoughts and feelings are real, but they aren't commands to eat. You can do the hard things that make it all worthwhile.
We don't eat no matter what!
Anonymously,
An abstinent, grateful, committed and blessed GS Fellow in Florida